The POF Prophecy
Whispers of Adderall throughout your PGA meetings.
Whispers of Adderall in your Economics study group.
Whispers of your girlfriend Heather telling her girlfriend Tina, that’s its her secret to staying fit, happy and not hungry.
Whispers of Adderall from your Dad telling his friend how annoying the next door neighbors kid is, and how badly the kid needs adderall.
Whispers of Adderall from your pledge buddies from Plano, Texas.
Whispers of Adderall from your best friend growing up, who you’ve known has been taking it for years.
Whispers of Adderall from your roommate, “Please give me an Adderall.
I’m too tired to get out of bed.”
Whispers of Adderall from a voice you’re not quite
sure is coming from, but tells you,
“If you eat it, you will pass. If you eat it, you will pass.”
You don't look for it, but for those few, soon to be productive lucky individuals adderall finds you. It's not by chance, it's by productivity - appointed by the Adderall Gods.
For they have spoken and shown you the way. The way to open and empty a CVS, child proof pill bottle, just like the way your doctor told you.
Think about it, you're not ADHD or ADD. No one in your family has ADHD. Your kids don't. Your brother and sister don't have it. Your parents don't have it. Then why have you not gone one day in the last couple weeks without hearing the word Adderall, followed with a warming feeling over your body, and being greeted with a smile.
Well --- it is September and school has started. But it goes deeper than that.
The Adderall Godshave chosen you to be the next product of success. Some people call it a curse, but it's because they were not willing, and unable to carry such a burden. Because they "lost their soul" or humor, or independence and because addiction is a motha fucka.
Because to know true enlightenment, is to know the feeling of speed reading Malcolm Gladwell's novel, "BLINK", putting it down and say -- “I JUST BLINKED!” --- and believe me you did.
Because in a blink of an eye, you're cleared from your writers block. Passed level 38 in Trade Nations and your dorm room no longer lingers of your bunkmates throw-up.
The Boss man has given you an early promotion because of your outstanding sales report and your bong has never been cleaner.
Those skinny jeans fit again. You’ve cleaned up your Facebook friend’s and have finally reach less than 500.
Although you haven’t finished your outline, your CALL OF DUTY kill spree has made you worshipped within the Activision Blizzard social network community, and a God on the 3rd floor of Brewster Hall Dormitory.
Your penmanship is now legible.
Your dominated your Fantasy Football draft.
The shirts hanging in your closet are not only clean, but pressed.
That Freshman girl Katie from Texas, doesn’t like body hair anyway, so deciding to shave your entire body was a good idea, and that the Groupon you bought for those laser hair removals aren’t going to be waste after all. And you haven’t had a Freshman girl since last semester.
You put that light fixture up in the master bathroom.
You’ve got off your fat-ass and entered that Marathon that you've talked about for years.
Using a sauna as your only form of sweating is no longer a routine. You dominate the StairMaster and make it look really good.
You stopped watching Westerns on tv all day Sunday.
Operation Spring Break has started two months early, and you’re going to be winning that Bikini Contest in Cancun this year. “Hear that Karen? Fuck you, I’m winning.” --- and you will.
Interested in reading Joseph Campbell? Sure, why not!
Food gets placed on the table when you said it would be. You're working out, eating better, and enjoying your new found sense of pleasure.
Your husband finds you more attractive, and your sexual appetite turns into overdrive. "Where did this come from!?!?!" says your husband in a scream of pure pleasure leaving your bedroom.
But for being blessed with great power, comes great responsibility. The responsibility, not to abuse these generic amphetamine salt pills. To use them for good, to give back, become a better man, woman, bum, CEO, brother, sister, frat boy, wife, sorority cheerleader, aunt, uncle or Jew.
To hump your husband like the way you did, knocking over empty Natty Ice’s, and tearing into him in his Fraternity room, after you finished that Gatorade bottle filled with Voda and Sobe Adrenaline Rush, after you danced your ass off at your house’s Red Light Green Light themed exchange with his house --- oh so long ago....
To keep those beautifully crafted sugar pills in your purse on long nights out. Or to keep the pof pill in your 5th pocket and pop in your best friend’s mouth before his head falls into his meal at The Grand Lux Cafe’ in Las Vegas at 4AM.
To give to those that are too blacked out.
To those moving this weekend and have yet to face the agonizing call with U-Haul. Don’t worry -- you’re calling U-Haul, and they are going to give you that extended cab for free. Because you deserve it, because the Adderall Butt Gods said so.
For you have been given the fruit of the Adderall God.
And it tastes pretty fucking God-damn good.
"Don't Refuse Me. Don't Abuse Me. Just Use Me.
Eat Your Adderall."
- POF Prophecy